I get depressed from time to time. It usually lasts for 2-3 months. Its not debilitating to the point I cant work or function but it makes everything harder. Its like the difference between walking down the sidewalk and walking in dry sand. In the sand you get where you are going but it takes more effort and you end up tired and grumpy by the end of normal stuff that you have to do so you dont have a lot left over for other things. Top that off with a hefty helping of being introverted with a side of anxiety and this last episode really bit me in the ass. Lucky thing is I have insurance and a good doctor who helped me out with a diagnosis and a prescription of Prozac.
I was leery about taking a brain chemical altering drug because its not like medicine is able to do a blood draw and tell you exactly which drug you need and at what dose you need to take (yet) to bring you back to “normal”. In fact that reluctance had stopped me many times before from even seeking help. Now being a believer in evidence based medicine I have been using a simple app called Dailyo to track my moods over the past 62 days that I’ve been taking this low dose.
I Am experiencing a distinct trend upwards, even during the holidays which are traditionally a low spot for me. I will continue to track my moods to be sure that A) this dosage is working and B)I have a record for reference when I go off of Prozac as planned (with my doctor) in several months to see if my moods dip back down with out the chemical assist. I suspect my moods will dip considering the dramatic change I’ve experienced this last month. I am not looking forward to that.
So why am I telling you all this? Well, because I’m not the only one who’s ever suffered from the effects of depression. A great number of people have. The stigma as a culture we have about people with mental illness is a barrier we need to knock down. I am a strong person. I have a good life, friends, people who love me and family who cares about me but still I was experiencing deep oppressive depression that lasted longer than a normal situation induced episode should. It seems my brain was being an asshole and lying to me about my reality.
Needing this chemical assist doesn’t make me less of a person or more of one. It’s just like the pill I take to keep my cholesterol in check so I have a longer happier life. If you are experiencing the effects of depression and they are interfering with your life please see your doctor and discuss it. There is nothing weak or shameful in taking care of yourself so that you can live a fuller life.
I’m a fucking warrior, be one too.