Again!

I am old enough that it wasn’t common to have a computer to do homework on. Research was done at the library using card catalogs and paper books.  Teachers expected 5 page papers to be neatly handwritten. If they couldn’t read your handwriting you didn’t get credit for the assignment.  

I have terrible handwriting.  My cursive suuuuucks and my printing is sometimes illegible.  Typing became the fastest easiest way for me to get down my thoughts.  I’m not a two finger typist but I’m not 180 wpm typer either. I make a lot of mistakes. When I was using a typewriter is was easier to just go slow and look at the keys.  That’s a habit now to look at the keys but I am faster than I am slow. The thing that really did it though was when computers came along with word processing software that catches most of your errors.  Suddenly a whole new world of writing opened up to me.  

Right now as I’m typing this you should see all the red underlines and wrong words or dropped words. I’ll have to go back and edit quite a bit after the first stream of consciousness draft.  But I don’t mind, because being able to put down what’s in my head at the speed I think of it is golden. I can think of a phrase or idea and within seconds it’s pouring out of my fingers.  I like to think the feeling is the same as piano player discovering new bits of music as they play around on the piano. There is a rhythm to a well crafted paragraph that I love.

I like all of the parts of writing itself.  The tap of the keys. The feel of my fingers flicking. Ideas appearing on the screen. I find it easiest to feel flow is when I am writing. That state when it’s all just coming together. When it’s done and I look back over it I like that I did that.  

I’ve missed this. I used to write every day. Multiple hours at a time. Lots and lots of words.  Stories, blog posts, long email responses.  Then my life changed and there wasn’t energy or time for it. Then there was time but no energy. Then there was time and energy but by then inertia and depression weighed me down.  Then I went back to school and there was no time again no matter the desire.  Then last year happened.  

Last year was a downward spiral.

I was miserable. And I was a miserable person to be around.  It affected a lot. Everything I was trying wasn’t helping.  Finally a little chemical help has turned me around.  Suddenly I don’t just want to write. I Am writing. I’ve given myself permission to just write what I want to write.  That’s led to motivation and ideas. It’s led to B.I.C. (butt in chair) which is where the work happens.  I’m rusty for sure but that’s OK. Practice will have its effects.

Now to go back and edit this mess and post.

Pursue the good, don’t give up and do the work.