Step Up


I am a step parent. My kid has a mama, he has a dad, he has a step-mom and he has me, his Evil step-mom. It’s a tongue in cheek title to help identify who he’s talking about since he’s had 4 parents for as long as he can remember. At home he calls me by my first name which is fine too. He really only has one Mama in my book and I love to hear him call her that.

The other day my niece came by for a visit and got to see him again. It had been 4 years since her last visit I think and he’s grown quite a bit. He didn’t remember her but then 4 years is a long time for kids his age. I introduced him to her as my son only thinking about that fact later that even though I’ve always thought of him as our son I don’t think I’d ever had the pleasure of actually introducing him as My son before.

Being a step parent has pitfalls. One is that your only legal tie to the child is through the marriage to their biological parent. And I would never want to replace his biological parents, Ever. But it doesn’t matter if you’ve been part of their life for as long as they can remember or that you love them so fiercely you’d give your life to protect them, someone will always say, “Oh well you’re just a step-parent. It’s not like you are a Real parent. He’s not Really your child.” Try telling that to adoptive parents asshole.

When we let a child in to our hearts, when we care for them, when we provide for them, when we teach them, when we spend time with them we become parents. There is a shift that happens. A cosmic internal shift that suddenly opens your eyes that you are no longer living for yourself anymore. The most important thing you can do in your life is to help this new person to thrive even if it means you have to make sacrifices yourself.

In a healthy person that means that you become more than you were. Those sacrifices somehow make you grow bigger not smaller. You find strength you didn’t, couldn’t have known you had before this little person entered your life. So yeah I’m an Evil Step Mom and he is my Son. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

One comment

  1. I sometimes have a hard time with the label “step mom”. I am not my step sons mother, I never gave birth to him. But he will always see me as a mother figure when he’s with his Dad. Labels make things so complicated.

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