I Didn’t have a name for it (Part 2)

Read Part 1

I Blame the Internet.

My husband and I left Virginia Beach and all of the emotional chaos that had ensued from my attempt to change my sexuality via prayer and pseudo-psychology. We also purchased our first computer that could connect to the internet at the same time. This was the time of dial up and AOL’s ascendance. For a lot of people myself included AOL was our on ramp to the internet.

I was not then nor am I now a technophobe but I have a studied disinterest in the technomagery that is the underlying code of programing. I am not however afraid to do things with a computer system that evidently weren’t originally envisioned by the programmers which has led to hours of frustration on my part.

Once we had settled into our new home in Michigan I focused on my role as wife. I’m not saying things were immediately better. My husband and I spent a lot of time redefining ourselves and our relationship without the interference of the expectations of religion. I am a non traditional woman to say the least. I thought We didn’t want kids for one thing, which I was fine with. My husband respected it as my wish since my body would bear the brunt of such a decision. Our parents weren’t so sanguine about the lack of grandchildren and since they weren’t really privy to my struggle with my sexuality they had no basis for understanding our evolving relationship.

Without the cultural structure of religious norms that we had both grown up with we spent a lot of time trying to figure out what was a valid floor plan for our marriage. I know some Christians will point at that very struggle as a way of justifying their own worldview but for us the Christian Worldview was killing me and destroying any hope of happiness we had as a couple. It only made sense for us to search elsewhere.

The internet was the key to me finding other people like myself. Websites, forums, articles, Livejournal posts, IRC and chatrooms were all new access points to learn about and meet real people who didn’t live conventional life styles. I found a whole new vocabulary for the things I felt and wanted. I also found people just like me who were happy and confident in being gay. They weren’t evil. They didn’t run around molesting children. They had families of their own. They weren’t alcoholic. Some were monogamous some weren’t. Some were bisexual some were strictly gay. Some were in open marriages…

Wait a second….

Read Part 3