Episode 5 – How do you know your are right now? with John J Smid

The I’ve Been Wrong Before Podcast Website

John J. Smid was once the former director of Love in Action, an ex-gay ministry.  Now he’s a happily married man living with his husband in Texas. His path from coming out to rejecting his sexuality to embracing it, is a long and twisty road.

That path started with his being married to his first wife, figuring out he was gay and getting divorced.  It led to living as an out gay man during the 70s where John fell in with evangelical Christians.  Where they witnessed to him and told him that he couldn’t be gay and a Christian. Seeking to be the best man he thought he should be he went to his church for help but they didn’t know how to help him

That is when he found the ex-gay ministry Love in Action.

He quit his job, joined Love in Action as a volunteer and completely embraced ex-gay ministry.  Even to the point of leaving his children.  He believed he couldn’t be a good dad and be gay.

Motivated by a driving desire for authenticity and succumbing to the viewpoint that the ministry taught. John believed that to have the connection he craved with another person was that it had to be with a woman. And that the only way to do that, was to deny all things homosexual. This led to a 30-year journey that nearly destroyed him even while he taught the same failed teachings to others.

*Apologies for the rookie mistake of the not putting the chatty Siamese out before we started recording. *

John struggled with the duality of finding some emotional healing from past trauma he’d experienced and a loving community in the ministry even while dealing with the damage that the self-inflicted denial of his natural inclinations was causing him.  That is until a peaceful protest outside his door and the actions of a man of integrity showed John what kindness and love really looked like.

He finally resigned from the ministry.

Without the weight of managing the ministry or pushing its agenda he was able to finally reflect on what he believed. He started to meet other gay Christians and ex-ex-gays who opened his eyes to the truth of what his actions and beliefs had wrought.  Rather and turn inward and become bitter, John faced the consequences.

John’s persistence at facing the process, while dealing with the consequences of his actions drove him deeper in to learning how to be a loving human being.  In doing so he learned to love himself.

John J Smid

Read John’s Book! Ex-Out how I fired the shame committee







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Host: Erin Furian

Producers: Erin Furian and Anjie Furian

Sound Engineer: Anjie Furian

Music- 7th floor Tango by silent partner from YouTube free music library

Irritated not Intimidated

I’m not a person to be intimidated by technology.  I am also a fan of clear instructions and well documented features.  Lately I’ve been struggling with the “helpfulness” of website templates.  Yes, I get that templates make it Very easy for hosting providers to have something ready made for customers.  However, when the template is not well documented as to where it pulls info from it becomes a REAL FUCKING headache. 

I know. Let me repeat that. I KNOW what the information is that I want a particular part of the template to have.  I understand that I need to enter this information in a form that will then feed that info to the template. The problem is the fucking form is hidden somewhere in the crappy documentation.  The form is NOT in the menus that are part of the customization tab right on the dashboard of the website where it would make fucking sense to have it.

I’ve clicked through every menu and sub menu. I can’t find it.  I know it’s in the crappy documentation because I’ve accessed it before but that was 6 months ago after a similarly frustrating hunt.

WHY would you put a setting you are going to have to access at lease once or twice a year in the documentation?!  WHY isn’t it part of the customization tab?  Also why does all the documentation assume you are using the basic (free) version OR the enterprise version of the software and not the tiered paid structure that probably 50% of people use? Half of the documentation doesn’t even apply to what I’m doing!  GAH!

Oh and I Just love the FAQ that says cant find when you are looking for go check out the user forum where someone else may have already solved your problem.  Yah know what programmers? IF a problem happens often enough that it has a fucking forum thread on it means YOU did a bad design job. AND you wrote a piss poor FAQ.

Now the part that is really irritating me is that after I go through all of the searching and the forum hunting and the googling and youtubing to figure this out and still cant find what I’m looking for I crack open that “Contact Us” form and get a trouble ticket with an automatic response asking if I’ve tried searching the forums, FAQ and google before contacting them. *head desk*

Episode 4 Instructional Assistants with Angela

The I’ve Been Wrong Before Podcast Website

Angela is an Instructional Assistant with a local elementary school. She schooled me on what her job entails, why she does it, and why we need more Instructional Assistants in our classrooms.

Having 30+ kids in a classroom means the kids who need more help draws the teacher’s attention away from the general class. Angela helps support the teachers meet those higher need students, keeping the learning moving for everyone.

She’s putting up with poverty level pay, job instability and a lackluster school funding budget just so the kids can get the “ah ha!” moment that comes when they grasp a concept.  What can I say but this right here is a hero.

We need to support better pay for our Teachers and Instructional Assistants.  These people are answering a calling that gives back to society in an impactful and invaluable way.

Support your local Teacher Union

Support your local Instructional Assistant Union


Do you want to become an Instructional Assistant?

Find your local Parent Teacher Association



Host: Erin Furian

Producers: Erin Furian and Anjie Furian

Sound Engineer: Anjie Furian

Music- 7th floor Tango by silent partner from YouTube free music library

From one ex-ex-gay to another

Coming out as an ex-ex-gay is a little different that coming out as gay.  For a long time, your nearest and dearest have known about your struggle with “same sex attraction”.  But you fought it! You Wanted to be straight.  That made you the acceptable kind of gay. It made you ex-gay.

It didn’t matter that it meant denying who you really were or that there was constant tension and stress that colored every decision you made.  The Mainstream society you lived in thought you wanted to be just like them, so you were loved and pitied and supported. You were forgiven.

You did everything you should do.  You told your “story”. You witnessed and tried to help others who struggled be just like you.  All while living in that tension, putting yourself through hell to try to conform, to be good enough to be loved.

Then you started to see the chains and shackles for what they were.  But challenging those bonds meant giving up the acceptance and love of the only people who had welcomed you. People you thought loved you.

But you shed the shackles anyway.

And now you are free.

Free to question everything you’ve ever believed. Free to fail by your own choices instead of how others think you should succeed. Free to be All of who you are, not just a piece.  But it still means carrying the choices of the past and answering for them as we all do.  So, your joy is tempered.

But I want to say I see you.  I was there and I know those wild swings of emotion that slam through your chest screaming Yes this is Who I am Deal with it! Followed by shocks of my god why did it think I should be anything but this? To What have I done by spreading this lie?  How many people have I shoved away from this joy?

Its not easy to own this new you but try to not feel guilt for enjoying your freedom.  You deserve it. You always have deserved it.

yeah I know it’s silly and overly dramatic but I still think this is the best coming out song ever


I love interviewing my friends, you guys are so nice. However as a Podcast I think that The I’ve Been Wrong Before Podcast needs to grown beyond that.

Ok Ok I’m the one who Needs to grow beyond that. I need to get over my nervousness and shyness (hello introvert) and try to reach out to to other people I want to interview also.

On that note I have decided to reach out to McKrae Game to try for an interview. I’m sure he’s flooded with requests right now and here’s why:

20yrs in exgay ministry I WAS WRONG! Please forgive me! ❤️Unpacking the memories. In the discussions leading up to The…

Posted by McKrae Game on Sunday, August 25, 2019

Spending 20 years in a ex-gay ministry then admitting you are wrong is a HUGE step. I’ve sent the request out but I’m not sure if this small little podcast will even register on the radar yet. But as one of my sisters of the Heart says. Don’t Ask, Don’t Get!

If you know someone who has been wrong about something then come around give them a nudge my way and see if they want to tell their story.

you can contact us through gmail at WrongBeforePodcast@gmail.com
or through faceboock https://www.facebook.com/IveBeenWrongBefore/

Episode 3 Fanfiction with Debra Stansbury

If you would like to listen to this episode on YouTube Click Here

The I’ve Been Wrong Before Podcast
Episode 3

Host: Erin Furian

Topic: Fanfiction Quality

Guest: Debra Stansbury

I am not a huge fan of Fanfiction but Debra is not only fan of it, she writes a great deal of fanfiction also. In this episode Debra tries to help me find the the good in a genre of writing that I am less than enthused about.

Looking for Fanfiction to read? Check out An Archive of Our Own  and FanFiction.net

Here’s the link to the Tumblr Writing Prompts mentioned in the episode

This is a production of More Than Dreaming Studios copyright 2019
Produced by Erin Furian and Anjie Furian
Sound engineered by Anjie Furian
The theme music is Seventh Floor Tango by Invisible Partner

fan fiction fun Photo
fan fiction fun Photo