Episode 16: Tom Porter

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The I’ve Been Wrong Before Podcast

Episode 16: Tom Porter

 

Sponsored by: Blubrry Podcasting – Launch your Podcast the Blubrry Way

 

A memorial episode about my Uncle

 

Attributions:

Host: Erin Furian

Producers: Erin Furian and Anjie Furian

Sound Engineer: Anjie Furian

Music- 7th floor Tango by silent partner from YouTube free music library

Background music is Passing Time by Kevin MacLeod

 

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Get 30 Days of Blubrry Podcasting Free – includes hosting and stats and a WordPress site if you need one. Publishing is as simple as Create – Upload – Publish use the Promo Code BLU013 to get started today.

Sponsored by: Blubrry Podcasting – Launch your Podcast the Blubrry Way

 

 

Episode 14: Fatherly Expectations vs Autism with Thaddeus Howze

Don’t for get to subscribe!  Find all our episodes at www.wrongbefore.com

The I’ve Been Wrong Before Podcast

Episode 14: Fatherly expectations vs Autism

Guest: Thaddeus Howze

Sponsored by: Blubrry Podcasting – Launch your Podcast the Blubrry Way

Thaddeus Howze
Thaddeus Howze Author | Editor | Futurist | The Answer Man

Thaddeus Howze’s had a lot of hopes and dreams for his son. When his son was diagnosed with severe Autism at the age of two those hopes and dreams were radically altered. The doctors said his son should be institutionalized, that Thaddeus should give up on his son.  The doctors were wrong.

Our conversation covers how Thaddeus fought back and overcame his own expectations for his exceptional son to give him the best chance possible to succeed in a neurotypical world

Find out More about Thaddeus

https://thowze.carrd.co/?fbclid=IwAR0hTAWrHToBE89WVyx8dUO-UsRCns4pnokIydR83cSTuu-N0wTD7RCzHlU

https://www.facebook.com/notes/thaddeus-howze/thaddeus-howze-is-the-answer-man/2558632577516317/

If you have questions about Autism please check out the Autism Speaks website – https://www.autismspeaks.org/

 

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Attributions:

Host: Erin Furian

Producers: Erin Furian and Anjie Furian

Sound Engineer: Anjie Furian

Music- 7th floor Tango by silent partner from YouTube free music library

Meow – Mapplekitty

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Get 30 Days of Blubrry Podcasting Free – includes hosting and stats and a WordPress site if you need one. Publishing is as simple as Create – Upload – Publish use the Promo Code BLU013 to get started today.

Sponsored by: Blubrry Podcasting – Launch your Podcast the Blubrry Way

 

 

Episode 13 – Neurodivergent ADHD with Anjie Furian

Don’t for get to subscribe and find all our episodes at www.wrongbefore.com

Episode 13 – Neurodivergent ADHD with guest Anjie Furian

Anjie Furian
Anjie Furian, Sound Engineer

Sponsored by: Blubrry Podcasting – Launch your Podcast the Blubrry Way

In this episode our very own sound engineer Anjie Furian steps up to the mic for an interview for the show.

Anjie is was recently diagnosed with ADHD and that diagnoses has changed her life. We talk about what she had wrong about ADHD and the changes that being on medication has made in her life.

Links:

How to ADHD YouTube Channel
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC-nPM1_kSZf91ZGkcgy_95Q

The Shel Silverstein Poem that Anjie reads: The Loser
https://www.amazon.com/Shel-Silverstein/e/B000AQ15KI?ref_=dbs_p_pbk_r00_abau_000000

Facebook Group: Adult ADHD/ADD Support Group
https://www.facebook.com/AdhdAdultPage/

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Attributions:

Host: Erin Furian

Producers: Erin Furian and Anjie Furian

Sound Engineer: Anjie Furian

Music- 7th floor Tango by silent partner from YouTube free music library

Meow – Mapplekitty

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Get 30 Days of Blubrry Podcasting Free – includes hosting and stats and a WordPress site if you need one. Publishing is as simple as Create – Upload – Publish use the Promo Code BLU013 to get started today.

Sponsored by: Blubrry Podcasting – Launch your Podcast the Blubrry Way

I was so wrong about what it’s like to be disabled

During Erin Ehm V Blatchford I got up on my soapbox a little bit.  It’s my microphone I can rant if I want to. What I didn’t know is that the Tuesday after that episode aired, I’d end up going on a journey into what its like to have a disabled spouse with limited mobility.

My wife, and the I’ve Been Wrong Before Podcasts sound engineer, was injured at her day job. The injury has resulted in a lot of constant pain, the inability to walk, and a battle of wills with the workmen’s comp insurance people.  My type extroverted, walk 5-6 miles a day wife, is suddenly unable to cross the house or stand in front of the stove to cook her own meals, or stand up in the shower, or walk through a grocery store. Or in fact go to just about any store that doesn’t have one of those little electric carts for a disabled person to use.  Also, it being Christmas time is means me dropping her off at the door that Does have the electric carts then circling the lot to find a parking space some where in the outer reaches.

After being trapped in the house for a week and her getting tired of having to wait for me to walk in from outter Mongolia whenever I did take her to the one or two stores that have the carts, we asked for an got a temporary disabled card from her Doctor and DMV.  No at least she feels like she’s a little more normal and can get from the parking spot to the building under her own power.

My heart, is a do for herself kind of gal. She’s the one who takes care of the family.  Having to have others do for her is a blow to her sense of self.  Being in pain constantly is draining. Couple that with not knowing yet how long this will last or exactly what’s wrong (thank you slow ass insurance company) and you get a seriously grumpy wife who is looking for anything that helps her to feel normal.

Guys she decided by herself that she needed to get a wheel chair so she could go to stores that don’t have the electric carts.  That’s both a big step in taking care of herself and an admission of how much pain trying to walk with her fucked up leg is.

So, I’ve been experiencing second hand how little our world is designed for people who aren’t fully able bodied as we learn how to navigate with her injury.  She can’t drive because it’s her right leg, so I must get her to all her appointments and that leaves her without the use of the car while I’m at work.  There is only so much she can do at home sitting with her leg elevated. And sitting still for long has never been her strong suit.  Then as soon as I get home, we load her up in the car for whatever appointment or errand she has or just to get her out of the house!

Once out we must deal with people who don’t look at wheel chairs or carts and almost aim to be right in the way.  People dodging in a wheel chair is Not easy! Also, have you noticed that stores don’t make their isles wide enough to navigate with a shopping cart let alone a wheel chair. Throw in that everything is designed for someone at standing height. Counters become barriers. Isle displays become obstacles. Clothes racks become mazes. And suddenly nothing is within reach. Not to mention doors with out handicap auto openers might as well be brick walls.

And that’s just the inside of stores.  The next time I see someone parked in a handicapped spot with out a tag You can bet you ass I will be confronting them.

Now if we can just get the damn insurance preapproval for the MRI we might be able to find out What is fucked up in my wife’s knee that makes it hurt so bad she can bend it more than a few degrees.

 

Thankful

Hey guys

I want to share with you a big reason why The I’ve Been Wrong Before Podcast got off the ground.

Anjie Furian

Seriously that’s the big reason right there.  I got everything together for the podcast and got my first couple of interviews recorded. But the editing is when I ran into issues that I had no familiarity with.  My wonderful wife asked if she could help.  I was leery.  Not because I didn’t think she could do it but because I didn’t want to rope her into something that I viewed as a long term project and that I wanted to do regularly.  I didn’t think it would be fair of me to ask for help and then expect her to just always edit every episode.  I had done the work of setting up and planning to do this I’d told her what I was doing but I was clear that she didn’t have to participate.

But when I ran into trouble, she was right there knowing what she was signing up for and willing to come along side me an join the podcast as sound engineer.

I am thankful for her.

Love you babe!

First time for everything

One of my most favorite things about being a parent is watching my kid do something for the first time. It’s also one of the times it’s easiest to fuck up as a parent. Knowing when to lend a hand or hold back as they struggle with mastering a skill is hard. We have always wanted to teach resourcefulness and resilience but when you know the answer to a problem it’s hard not to just blurt it out or take over a hard project. Because competing with our parental desire to equip our kids with all the right tools for success in life is the desire to protect them and keep them safe from all of life’s harms or challenges. It’s a constant internal war of worry for them and pride in them.

Right now I am so proud of our boy. He’s handling this growing up thing pretty well. One of the things he’s started doing for the first time is driving. He’s taller than me so sitting in the driver’s seat he has to actually adjust the mirrors. So far it’s short trips around the neighborhood or practicing parking in a empty parking lot and nothing on the main streets but still I’m working on practicing my own patience as I sit beside him and encourage or guide him on learning this new skill. It won’t be long before he’s out driving around on his own figuring out his limits and that of the car he’s driving. He’ll be meeting friends or going to school or making a run to the store for his Mom.

All of that future crowds in on me while I remind him to turn on his blinker before the turn and to be a little more gentle with the brake. He’s ready but I’m not ready for him to be ready! These memories will be what I remind myself of when he’s off on his own to convince myself we’ve done a good job making a Thinking Human Being instead of just a cog in the machine. For now though we just need to make sure we all survive him learning to drive.

MRSP

So my dog has M.R.S.A

Actually she has the doggy equivalent of it meticillin resistant Staphylococcus pseudintermedius please read up on it from an actual expert and don’t just go with what I say. Below is a link to a PDF that is pretty comprehensive and balanced in its presentation of what M.R.S.P. is and does.

https://www.wormsandgermsblog.com/files/2008/04/JSW-MA3-MRSP-Owner1.pdf

A couple of months ago Daisy started having a very sudden interest in her butt. Like most dogs she would occasionally lick her butt but in general this hadn’t been a thing. Suddenly it was a thing. She’d be lying asleep on the couch then suddenly hop up and off it and begin trying to twist around to first sniff her but then lick it. We ended up taking her to the vet where they expressed her anal glands which appeared to give her some relief for a little bit.

It was shortly after that that we noticed her nose seemed really dry. She started to develop flaky spots. Back to the vet we went. It was thought she either had a allergic reaction to something or a mild cold. We were given a topical steroid cream to put on her nose. It only sorta of helped. After that course of treatment we ended up back at the vet where it was decided that they needed small biopsy from her nose. Unlike with humans where you can explain to the patient why you are coming at them with a needle and a knife our poor baby had to spend a day at the vet and get knocked out with anesthesia before they could get the biopsy.

The biopsy was sent out to the lab. About a week later I get a call.

The vet informs me that Daisy has a deep soft tissue infection that affects the anus, lips and nose. Which explains some things. The good news is they can treat the infection with some antibiotics. Yay! Btw by this time we are about $500 in on vet bills which is pretty reasonable considering the back and forth and lab work. For those not in the know there is this thing called care credit that is for exactly things like this. For me it means I don’t have to forgo treatment for Daisy until my payday we can just do it.

The antibiotics start clearing up her nose immediately. Everything seems hunky dory until we get to the end of the course of treatment and all but a small patch on her nose is healed. No big deal right. Now that the infection is knocked down it should heal on its own right? No such luck people!

About a week later and we are at the emergency vet because the infection seems to have come back strong and now there is a lot of mucus and wheezing. The emergency vet take a swab to send out their lab and puts Daisy back on the antibiotics that were helping and sends us home with a snotty dog and a another $500 charge. Emergency Vets are expensive y’all. However over the next few days the wheezing goes away but our poor fur baby’s nose is swollen.

A little more than a week later the Emergency Vet calls us back with the results of the swab. Doggy M.R.S.A.

Well fuck.

Treatment is a month long course of a different stronger antibiotic, 3 pills twice a day for 30 days. The first bottle is only for two weeks and cost over a hundred dollars so we will have to get that refilled shortly. Ouch. The thing is, it’s definitely working already. The swelling is going down and her nose is clearing up. I’m thankful for that because if it doesn’t work the next step was I.V. antibiotics.

The nightmare isn’t over though even though it looks like it’s going to be soon. We’ve cancelled a family members visit because they would be bringing their dog and the family members immune system might be compromised as well. We don’t want to expose anyone else to this. The neighbor thinks his dog may have had it and someone down the block has a cat they are dealing with this with.

Collectively there is going to be some serious disinfecting and social isolating of animals for the next couple of months to try to keep everyone healthy. Our cats are due for a vet visit anyway so Swabs and lab tests for everyone!

Wish us luck and good science!

How Dad met Carol

I have a Mom and a Jack and a Dad and a Carol.

My parents divorced when I was nine so the majority of my really self aware years were spent shuttling between two different households. I lived with my Mom most of the time and saw my Dad every other weekend. When my parents first divorced my Dad moved back in with his parents.

This story is a little hazy because I was nine and let’s face it until something directly affects them most nine year olds don’t really pay attention.

Gramma and Grampa lived in a nice trailer park when trailer parks were cool. It had a clubhouse with a large pool. Okay that’s possibly what made the trailer park cool to me. I love swimming and would spend as much time as my Dad would put up with at the pool. One summer morning I was up early and ready to head to the pool as soon as it opened. Dad was a little slower getting ready and I was eager to get to the pool so I am pretty sure I was your average bundle of 9 year old bouncy energy.

We walked along the road to the thwop thwop thwop of our flip flops smacking our feet. I’m pretty sure mine were already getting too small for my feet since I grew like a frickin weed that summer. I’m also pretty sure I remember my Dad’s attention getting taken over as we made the turn towards the clubhouse. There was lady out working in the little garden in front of her trailer. We kept walking but I am pretty sure Dad looked back at her a couple of times.

I seem to recall that that visit to the pool was shorter than I really wanted it to be but on our way back to Gramma and Grampas trailer, right at the turn where we could see thier trailer Dad sent me on ahead to get Gramma to make me lunch. I flip flopped my gangly way there, my wet towel fluttering like the cape I liked to pretend it was.

Dad arrived home shortly after I’d finished lunch. I think he seemed really pleased with himself.

Later when I asked Carol how she and Dad met she told me that one summer day this handsome man walked up in his swim trunks with a towel over his shoulder and complimented her on her flower garden. They’d talked a little bit and he’d asked her out.

That may not be exactly how the story went but its how I remember it since it means I helped to facilitate my Dad meeting Carol. She’s a pretty cool lady and my Dad seems pretty happy with her. I took my cue on being a stepmom from her. Not the Evil part but the parts about caring about my spouse’s kid and not being a jerk. I know my little tomboy self wasn’t quite the kid she was prepared for but we got on well enough that I claim her as one of my parents.

I Didn’t have a name for it (Part 2)

Read Part 1

I Blame the Internet.

My husband and I left Virginia Beach and all of the emotional chaos that had ensued from my attempt to change my sexuality via prayer and pseudo-psychology. We also purchased our first computer that could connect to the internet at the same time. This was the time of dial up and AOL’s ascendance. For a lot of people myself included AOL was our on ramp to the internet.

I was not then nor am I now a technophobe but I have a studied disinterest in the technomagery that is the underlying code of programing. I am not however afraid to do things with a computer system that evidently weren’t originally envisioned by the programmers which has led to hours of frustration on my part.

Once we had settled into our new home in Michigan I focused on my role as wife. I’m not saying things were immediately better. My husband and I spent a lot of time redefining ourselves and our relationship without the interference of the expectations of religion. I am a non traditional woman to say the least. I thought We didn’t want kids for one thing, which I was fine with. My husband respected it as my wish since my body would bear the brunt of such a decision. Our parents weren’t so sanguine about the lack of grandchildren and since they weren’t really privy to my struggle with my sexuality they had no basis for understanding our evolving relationship.

Without the cultural structure of religious norms that we had both grown up with we spent a lot of time trying to figure out what was a valid floor plan for our marriage. I know some Christians will point at that very struggle as a way of justifying their own worldview but for us the Christian Worldview was killing me and destroying any hope of happiness we had as a couple. It only made sense for us to search elsewhere.

The internet was the key to me finding other people like myself. Websites, forums, articles, Livejournal posts, IRC and chatrooms were all new access points to learn about and meet real people who didn’t live conventional life styles. I found a whole new vocabulary for the things I felt and wanted. I also found people just like me who were happy and confident in being gay. They weren’t evil. They didn’t run around molesting children. They had families of their own. They weren’t alcoholic. Some were monogamous some weren’t. Some were bisexual some were strictly gay. Some were in open marriages…

Wait a second….

Read Part 3