Thankful

Hey guys

I want to share with you a big reason why The I’ve Been Wrong Before Podcast got off the ground.

Anjie Furian

Seriously that’s the big reason right there.  I got everything together for the podcast and got my first couple of interviews recorded. But the editing is when I ran into issues that I had no familiarity with.  My wonderful wife asked if she could help.  I was leery.  Not because I didn’t think she could do it but because I didn’t want to rope her into something that I viewed as a long term project and that I wanted to do regularly.  I didn’t think it would be fair of me to ask for help and then expect her to just always edit every episode.  I had done the work of setting up and planning to do this I’d told her what I was doing but I was clear that she didn’t have to participate.

But when I ran into trouble, she was right there knowing what she was signing up for and willing to come along side me an join the podcast as sound engineer.

I am thankful for her.

Love you babe!

I’ve Been Wrong Before

So I started a podcast.

I’ve wanted to do a podcast for a while but had just dreamed about doing it.  So how did I go from dreaming to doing?

I’ve blogged on and off since 2001 on various platforms from LiveJournal to my own website to WordPress. I’ve written stories for fun since I was in kindergarten. My fiction has ranged from good to horrible to porn to romance to science fiction. I tried a little writing for a friend that was making a comic book and discovered that I don’t appreciate the art of the graphic novel enough to make the effort to adapt my style so that was a no go.  But regardless I’ve been writing fiction most of my life.

What I’m saying is I’ve had experience with writing. I have zero experience interviewing people.  What did I want to do with my podcast?  Interview people!

Do I have any experience acting? Nope!

Do I have any experience with public speaking? Minimal!

Do I have any experience with standup? Noooooo!

Do I have any technical or radio experience or knowledge about the equipment? Hell no!

So what makes me think I can do a podcast? Well for one I was inspired by others.

The first podcast I ever listened to was the Metamor City Podcast by Chris Lester.  He managed to produce a full voice cast serialized audio book with a gripping story line. It’s great and kept me sane during a pretty dark time in my life. It’s changed a little since the full voice cast days but the story quality is fantastic. I highly recommend it. That podcast was my gateway drug. Then I discovered that NPR had podcasts also. I dove in.

It was radio without the annoying commercials. Podcasts where I could learn about stuff or hear more than just the headline of a story. And there was a ton of people talking about things I was interested in. From movies to religion to science to cosplay and making. It’s all there!

*happy sigh*

Quality varies wildly from podcast to podcast.  Podcasts also come and go with alarming frequency.  The podcastverse is filled with amateurs and pros alike. It’s still a newish medium that the big corporations are just now figuring out reaches an audience they can make money off.  That wild variety of quality is exactly one of the reasons I thought I might be able to do this thing called Podcasting.  The entry bar seemed low. I didn’t have to be good to begin with.  I could learn as I went.

So, I started researching.  YouTube was my friend. I even went the dead tree route by buying a book, Podcasting for Dummies. The authors had advertised their own podcasts on Chris Lester’s so I recognized the names. Then I actually read the book. 

This wouldn’t be quiet as immediate and easy as starting a blog or setting up a channel on YouTube.  Hosting large high-quality audio files is not something you can get for free. Making it so you can be found? Also not as easy as putting up a blog. And a big question rang in my head of “who is your audience?”

It’s possible at this point I hit information overload.  Because I didn’t think I had any experience with the technology or a clear idea of what I wanted the outcome to be I shelved the idea for a bit.  It became a desire but not something I was acting upon. 

Then I turned 50

I didn’t think it would be a big deal to me but I was also coming out of a season of depression and poverty and it turned out to be more of a big deal than I expected. I had been doing “this” all my life and it hadn’t gotten me where I wanted.  “this” being wanting something but not going the extra mile to get it. I’ve got a seriously odd set of skills that I’m sort of good at but nothing that I’d really developed past the hobbyist stage.  Then I hit 50.

I guess I had to grow up sometime

I implemented some changes.  I lost 35 pounds. I assessed my budget. I set my jaw. I buckled down and I told my fear to take a back seat while I gave this shit a try.  And that’s how I started a podcast.

Oh you wanted to hear about me magically discovering I was amazingly great at podcasting and interviewing people.  About me instantly going viral and now I have tons of listeners?

Sorry people. That isn’t how this works. Starting a podcast is work. I had to figure out my format. Get the equipment. Figure out how to record and then actually put up cash to pay for hosting all while learning 30 new things that are truly outside my comfort zone. I had to prepare for interviews. Fail at recording properly. Try for interviews beyond my friends and get turned down. Along the way I’ve discovered I enjoy this, and I am not Horrible at it.

Now I have even more work.  SEO, listener engagement, to advertise or stick with word of mouth, did I properly set up the feed so pandora will pick me up? And who the hell are those guys on YouTube with a similar show name??! it’s not easy. It’s work. Its deadlines and expectations and striving for quality.  Its not magic but it might, just might, be a little magical.

Go on, go check it out!

The I’ve Been Wrong Before Podcast

Irritated not Intimidated

I’m not a person to be intimidated by technology.  I am also a fan of clear instructions and well documented features.  Lately I’ve been struggling with the “helpfulness” of website templates.  Yes, I get that templates make it Very easy for hosting providers to have something ready made for customers.  However, when the template is not well documented as to where it pulls info from it becomes a REAL FUCKING headache. 

I know. Let me repeat that. I KNOW what the information is that I want a particular part of the template to have.  I understand that I need to enter this information in a form that will then feed that info to the template. The problem is the fucking form is hidden somewhere in the crappy documentation.  The form is NOT in the menus that are part of the customization tab right on the dashboard of the website where it would make fucking sense to have it.

I’ve clicked through every menu and sub menu. I can’t find it.  I know it’s in the crappy documentation because I’ve accessed it before but that was 6 months ago after a similarly frustrating hunt.

WHY would you put a setting you are going to have to access at lease once or twice a year in the documentation?!  WHY isn’t it part of the customization tab?  Also why does all the documentation assume you are using the basic (free) version OR the enterprise version of the software and not the tiered paid structure that probably 50% of people use? Half of the documentation doesn’t even apply to what I’m doing!  GAH!

Oh and I Just love the FAQ that says cant find when you are looking for go check out the user forum where someone else may have already solved your problem.  Yah know what programmers? IF a problem happens often enough that it has a fucking forum thread on it means YOU did a bad design job. AND you wrote a piss poor FAQ.

Now the part that is really irritating me is that after I go through all of the searching and the forum hunting and the googling and youtubing to figure this out and still cant find what I’m looking for I crack open that “Contact Us” form and get a trouble ticket with an automatic response asking if I’ve tried searching the forums, FAQ and google before contacting them. *head desk*

From one ex-ex-gay to another

Coming out as an ex-ex-gay is a little different that coming out as gay.  For a long time, your nearest and dearest have known about your struggle with “same sex attraction”.  But you fought it! You Wanted to be straight.  That made you the acceptable kind of gay. It made you ex-gay.

It didn’t matter that it meant denying who you really were or that there was constant tension and stress that colored every decision you made.  The Mainstream society you lived in thought you wanted to be just like them, so you were loved and pitied and supported. You were forgiven.

You did everything you should do.  You told your “story”. You witnessed and tried to help others who struggled be just like you.  All while living in that tension, putting yourself through hell to try to conform, to be good enough to be loved.

Then you started to see the chains and shackles for what they were.  But challenging those bonds meant giving up the acceptance and love of the only people who had welcomed you. People you thought loved you.

But you shed the shackles anyway.

And now you are free.

Free to question everything you’ve ever believed. Free to fail by your own choices instead of how others think you should succeed. Free to be All of who you are, not just a piece.  But it still means carrying the choices of the past and answering for them as we all do.  So, your joy is tempered.

But I want to say I see you.  I was there and I know those wild swings of emotion that slam through your chest screaming Yes this is Who I am Deal with it! Followed by shocks of my god why did it think I should be anything but this? To What have I done by spreading this lie?  How many people have I shoved away from this joy?

Its not easy to own this new you but try to not feel guilt for enjoying your freedom.  You deserve it. You always have deserved it.

yeah I know it’s silly and overly dramatic but I still think this is the best coming out song ever

little vs long

I am discovering that most of the stories I want to tell are longer than I have time to write in one day. This is conflicting greatly with my desire to post something every day. So I either need to break up the stories into sections, which I’ve done for a couple of posts, or I need to figure out how to be more concise.

I am not a concise person when it comes to writing stories.

So what to do? Abandon my posting every day? Increase  my time writing? Unfortunately I don’t have a ton of more time in my day I can give over to writing to create content faster. I have this pesky thing called a job that requires that I actually work at in order to receive money to pay bills. This blog doesn’t pay bills. I have barely monetize anything about it yet. Any adds you see are strictly for WordPress’s gain not mine.

So this post is a delaying tactic while I consider my options and get some more writing done. I’ve picked most of the low hanging fruit from my short short stories. I could roll over into ranting about politics but I am loath to go there. So quality or quantity? Can I manage both?

Stay tuned!